Sick
Y’all I’m sick. Like Dumbo’s pink elephants dance around me in a drunken champaign stupor sick. Champaign always made for the worst drunks… and hangovers. I wonder why that is. You’d think something so prestigious and expensive would be easier on the consitutions. Well, it can be expensive. Although, cheap champaign drunks are absolutely the worst. I bet that’s what Dumbo had. Cheap champaign. In my next life I think I’ll name my alt-prog-emo-rock group Cheap Champaign Drunks. We’ll have hits like “Nothin’ Hits Like Boone’s Farm”, and “If You Ain’t Angry You Ain’t Bougey”.
Jesus, where was I going with this? I’m sick. But I haven’t written in a while. I’m beginning to think this was a TERRIBLE idea. I had one of those weird, oddly specific and vivid sick person dreams last night. I was chatting with someone before I went to bed, and for whatever reason she was literally flying around my head while I slept. Like straight up chasing the Golden Snitch level of flying. It was fascinating. I tried to sit up and watch but my legs didn’t work. Which was odd because they always work. Just not last night. My legs wanted to lie flat. I couldn’t convince them to move any which way. And when I tried, my knees bit me. Hard. So I had to lie there listening to the one person game of quiddich above my head. Man I hope she doesn’t hit the fan. That would be awful. I could say some nice things at the funeral though. Like flowers and stuff. You know, those are nice.
Eek. That was awkward. Did I mention I’m sick? Made some awesome homemade chicken noodle soup from scratch though. So that was amazing. I think I did though. I mean, I’m pretty sure that actually happened. It feels like I did. Man, I really wish my knee would chill. Like homie you can’t eat me so stop it. I really wanted to play my guitar tonight. I was just afraid my knee didn’t want to. And apparently he’s boss. So I left all my stuff in the case. I should get a new pedal though. That way when I can play I have something new to add. Blah blah blah blah. New pedals blah. Can’t you just play? Are you not good enough to just pick up the instrument and play? Well, maybe not. Man I want to get rid of that voice. Keeps speaking truth and I don’t like it. What cold/cough/allergy medicine handles that? And why is everything all in one these days? Like, I know I’m not have an allergic reaction. So why include that in my cold medicine? Can I just get super stength cold medicine withOUT the side of allergy? Like, can we hold the histamine blocker and add… IDK… more cold meds? That’d be awesome.
That kind of hits close to home though. I have this tendency to add pedals to my board that do a bunch of different things. But I could just get individual pedals that do one thing really really well, instead of many things really well. Actually, I think I did that already. I ran out of room though. I guess there’s a limit to how big I’ll go before I won’t do that anymore. Too heavy. I’m not strong. And my knee won’t stop biting me. I really want to say something about the ineffability of God and stuff. Like primordial ooze. That’s a fun one. OOOOZzzzzzzeeeeeeeeeee. Primordial OOZzeeeeee. OK, I’m sick and clearly not thinking uncrookedly. This was clearly a terrible idea. Cheap Champaign Drunks. Now that’s a good band name.
